my mother

"No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement." -- Florida Scott-Maxwell

"A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's." -- Diana, Princess of Wales

For now I can truly say, my best friend is my mother.

Why? My mother has been there for me no matter what. Why is it that only now I understand what my mother was telling me all this time. I know we've had our falling out but she has always been there when I fall off the right path. Seriously. Back when I was a teenager, I used to not tell my mother anything for fear that she would not understand, but she was always reassuring me that she would try to understand. Why did I not trust her? *I was a teenager, a rebellious one at that* Now that I am married, I tell my mother almost everything; of course leaving a couple of details =)

I love my momma. And for that I thank God that she is my momma and not anyone else's.

on the verge of....

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend."
- by John Leonard

I think...Besh has been my 'oldest' friend. I've known her since forever, since before we even started school. we practically grew up with each other. Although, I know that we've drifted apart in the past, I reckon our friendship now is stronger than ever. I love her for that. For some reason, we can relate to each other more than anyone else. *except of course my yennie bun bun..so u better some back okay?* in the last year or so.. Besh has been there for me..and hopefully, I too the same for her.



It has been an uber long time since i met up and chatted with my friends. I've missed them. It has been even a longer time that all of us met each other together, just like old times. oh well. Yesterdays' lunch with besh was perfect. We both just needed the same R&R...*yes I need them too* We both needed to vent and it was just perfect. I've missed her loads. The other day levv came over to the house to get his cheesecake but the idiot forgot to take it too... oh well i shall just eat it. It will just rot in the fridge if ever. that boy is just a boy. but i still love him.

........

"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
--Elizabeth Stone

I love being a mother. It may be a tough job but I am loving it. When i need some time for myself or time with my hubby that is when my maid comes and she has been of great help to me. She has been so nice.

All i ever want in this life is to be a mother someday and give that unconditional love my parentals gave me to my children. *yes, i still want more kids..i'm thinking 2 more*

I went to watch simpsons last nite with the hubs and it was funny to the bone. would love to watch it again but i think this time just the dvd... but i wouldnt mind watching it again on the big screen. It was just hilarious. Last week we watched harry potpot but it wasn't as good as I expected it to be. damn it. now i have to read the book. i reckon there were just too many bits and pieces that were left and well it was pretty obvious and the person sitting next to me on my right was telling me what parts were missing and that sucked.

i've finally decided to work again and will take the job offer in Bandar. So that means I will be back living in Bandar. ooh... life.. =) joyous one. although, i love my house now. its peaceful and nice and so close to town and the beach and the playground where i want my baby to play when he grows up.

decisions decisions decisions. one that we already know the answer to but difficult to make.

im sad. do not ask why. but i am. i do not like feeling this way, it affects how i treat my baby and I do not like it. i want to be back to my normal self. I love my baby so much.

sorry i needed to ventilate.

its 1am and i cant sleep. hmm... do not ask why.

I met up with some old friends of mine from ISB... i missed boon. and shes leaving already. damn it. oh well at least we got to spend some time together. and have a good talk. someday soon again yes babe? now i want my kaka yen here. i miss her to bits. shes the one person I can tell anything to and not having to worry what is going to come out of her mouth. *kaka yen come back please????*

anyways, omg! i swear, by the time its like 10pm I am so exhausted already.. why is that? age? hope not! i'm only 21! or its prolly because m just not used to going out anymore, m not used to hanging out late at nite. I remember back in the day, i would be out every night with my friends and just chilling sippin coffee and talking about everything and anything under the sun. i miss those days. i miss the days when i can pretend i am blond *seriously, i dont think I am*

Im being emo. fuck.

I love my life now. its just my teen years was cut short. but im not regretting. I love my hubs and my baby to the omg! I wouldn't trade my life for anything else. its just really good for me now.

so this is where i start to say I am living a fairy tale....or am I???...

Its weird, I've been looking for good recipes online. Damn. Now I really feel like a mother/housewife. These things are the things done by them. oh well. no regrets. I love it and I love cooking. For some really odd reason, i prefer cooking now to shopping..well that is if I am in Brunei. :)

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im so happy..... lalalala.....

ok.. its been a while but hey not like anyone reads here... but yeah. Been busy busy busy busy... being a wife and a mother is no easy task... and i do need some time for myself too.. so tonight that is exactly what I did. I went out with besh for a supposedly quick coffee where we ended up meeting and catching up with old friends and our loved ones.. levv and manuel. *thanks for sharing the table* levv.. i still want those pictures, i like my like my picture in your camera.

So sue asked me how is married life... well all I gotta say is.. I'M LOVING IT... i love being a wife.. i love being in love.. i love having my own family. Although tonight made me think of my life before I was married..before I became a mother... i missed it yes.. but I wouldn't trade my life now with my life then... I am really loving my life now. I've done my part in enjoying singlehood and all...so no regrets at all...

Besh was telling me earlier how lucky I am to have a hubby like mine and in laws like mine... well to be honest.. I feel lucky too... I mean in a world like today its hard to find a man like mine and I thank GOD that he gave me a good man. *love u*

anyways... ive finally finished calebs baptism photos... :) thank god! it took a while.. been uber busy with everything.

To all who came for the 'makan' thanks... and for the god parents.. thank you for letting caleb enter your lives... ;)

I was just reading some blogs.. and i decided to check on mine and see if anyone was tagging.. and apparently there are nameless people on my tagboard... hmm.. interesting... well first i'd like to thank nameless for the densive answer.. and to ... (wtf?) if you think i'm a bitch.. then i am but who cares.. i'm not on this earth to please everybody.. ;) I'm here for my family and my friends.. and well im still alive and living because I still have a purpose on this earth.. and that is to have a family.. unlike some low life people like you... i guess you havent found your purpose yet.

on a very happier note...

i love being a mom... and caleb is almost 2 months old. gak.. busy busy busy with his baptism preparations... hmm... but a quick picture of my lil baby

See he's a very happy infant.. ;)

Boredom led me to this....

1. Name someone who made you smile today.
- My hubby and my mom... they took me out shopping...

2. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
sleeping...

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
changing nappies

4. What is something that happened to you in 1992?
I turned seven.

5. What is the last thing you said aloud?
please get me a glass of water. warm.

12. What's the weather like today?
sunny

13. What is the best ice cream flavor?
choco mint

14. What is something you are excited about?
err... going home to kb and playing my dance pad.

15. When was the last rainbow you saw?
I can't remember.

16. What size shoe do you wear?
seven and a half/Eight.

18. Are you random?
Yeah, most of the time.

19. Do you want to cut your hair?
yes

21. Do you talk a lot?
Yes

23. Does your screen name have an "x" in it?
No

24. Do you know anyone named Steven?
yes

26. Are you ticklish?
sometimes

27. Are you typically a jealous person?
no

28. Name someone whose name starts with the letter "R":
razi

29. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter "N":
noel

30. Who's the 1st person on your received calls list?
my dad... using his office phone

31. What did the last text message you received say?
chinky telling me to just message her when I get home

32. Do you chew on your straws?
yes

33. Do you have curly hair?
Nope

34. What is the next concert you're going to?
err....

35. Whats your favorite color?
pink and yellow

37. What is something you say a lot today?
idiot

38. What is the last thing you ate?
california maki

39. Have you seen the movie "Donnie Darko"?
wat movie is that??

40. Do you have work tomorrow?
Nope

41. Is marriage in your future?
i'm married

42. When was the last time you said "I love u"?
half an hour ago

43. What should you be doing right now?
washing the dishes

44. Do you have a nickname?
matet, tet, mat

45. Are you a heavy sleeper?
I used to be

46. When was the last time you used a skateboard?
err... i dont remember

47. What is the best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
300

51. Did you cry today?
No :)

52. Do you like someone right now?
i'm in love

53. Are you currently playing any sports?
no

55. Last time you listened to music?
while I was driving home

56. Last time you watched tv?
m watcching tv now

57. Do you miss someone right now?
I am home...

58. What are you doing at this very moment?
doing this, watching tv and taking care of my baby

59. Who is the last person you talked on the phone with?
jomai

60. Are any of your friends going to fill this out?
no

I;m so annoyed. my stupid limewire wouldnt work.. so as an alternative I decided to download morpheus.. and that too is not working. damnit. I feel like an IT idiot. argh. I'm annoyed... grrr...

as for the rest of my life.. err.. there really isnt much updating.. because.. all ive really been doing is taking care of my baby... and thats it.. so yeah... not that I am complaining and all..I'm loving it.. ;) its just tiring at times.. that is why I thank God I have a hubby like mine and a family like mine and his.. ;)

will try to post more..

Its been exactly a week and a day since I gave birth. It feels great. I swear, It feels so good to be a mother. I guess thats how first timers feel.

So...labour... hmm...now I really understand what my momma went through..I swear, after giving birth, my level of respect for mothers are way way higher than I had for them. I didnt know it was that hard but hey they went through it and well its an experience every woman should have.

I was back in Kb when i started feeling pain. Can you believe it?...I couldnt sleep anymore and so my hubby decides to drive to JPMC at like 1am?.. 1AM?... what the hell was he thinking?... but anyway.. after a long convincing from my hubby, I decided to go as well. We arrived at the hospital at around 2:30am.. my contractions were not "normal" yet..so the midwives checked if I was really in labour and well, I was alrady 3cm open. So..with that, they didnt let me go home. By 8am, the doctor checked up on me and well by 9am, she decides to give me an injection that would make my contractions to either stop or be more normal. But my contractions went to normal and well by noon I was open at 6cm..they brought me to the delivery room. The pain, the torture without any kind of drugs or epidural. it hurt but my hubby was with me the whole time. *thank GOD for good husbands*. We were actually estimating for me to give birth at around 5 or 6pm but by 4:03pm I gave birth to a very healthy baby boy, we named him CALEB ALEXANDER.

so. a week later, im back in front of my computer, telling the whole world about my labour experience. I reckon, to everyone who hasnt gone through pregnancy, well they should try it at least once.. and go for normal delivery rather than a c-section. I mean, c-section would be painful after birth but normal is pain all the way but everything goes away once you see the baby. A baby is really a bundle of joy.

So here is my pride. my joy. my new love of my life (besides his father of course). CALEB ALEXANDER.


I love you.


I'm not going to post. just picture update. I cant be bothered now and my family needs me.

i'm frustrated. annoyed. pissed. all these negative feelings are in my head right now. I hate it.

I was waiting all week to watch greys anatomy and I still missed it tonight. I hate it. damnit. I don't even know when are they showing the replays. gak! I mean seriously why put heroes instead of greys anatomy. Although, I must say, Heroes is a really good show. Ive only watched until episode 11 of season 1 but I dont know which episode I am on greys anatomy. I want the dvd collection of greys anatomy. ARGH!.

On another channel, they've started showing desperate housewives season 3, and I missed that too. That is what's annoying. I've been missing all my favourite shows.

ARGH.

On a much lighter note. Ive got less than a month to give birth to my beautiful baby. As someone told me earlier, 'A baby is god's greatest gift' and I know she is right. I love love love children. I went to visit my old work place and well all the kids are just so adorable and one of my old students was like 'I really missed you teacher matet'. God, if only they know how much I miss them too. I miss being around kids everyday. They just take the stress out of my head. I just love it when they do cute little things like kiss you or hug you just because or play with you or even just laugh at how they play with you. It just brings so much joy in me.

I miss my friends. chika, come back. bunnie bun bun, come back too. pwetty pleash!

Another way of releasing my boredom while I am here at my parents house and my hubby is not here with me...

1) Are your parents married or divorced?
- Happily Married

2) Are you a vegetarian?
- Nope. I don't think I can live without meat.

3) Do you believe in Heaven?
- Yes.

4) Have you ever come close to dying?
- Not that I know of.

5) What jewellery do you wear 24/7?
- My wedding ring.

6) Favourite time of day?
-Night time, when it is time to sleep.

7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
- no

8) Do you wear makeup?
- yes.

9) Ever have plastic surgery?
- No.

10) Do you colour your hair?
- I did. I will again.

11) What do you wear to bed?
- pjs/big shirt and boxers.

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?
- no. I think.

13) Can you roll your tongue?
- No.

14) Do you tweeze your eyebrows?
- Yesh.

15) What kind of sneakers?
- err... sneakers?

16) Do you believe in abortions?
- yes? but.....

17) What is your hair color?
- Dark brown.

18) Future child’s name?
- Caleb Alexander, Cayla Mae

19) Do you snore?
- I shall ask my hubby that later.

20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
- Europe

21) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
- No, I sleep with my hubby and my pillows.

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
- err. buy everything my family needs and well that.

23) Gold or Silver?
- Silver

24) Hamburger or hot dog?
- Hamburger.

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- Hamburger

26) City, beach or country?
-beach.

27) What was the last thing you touched?
-the keyboard.

28) Where did you eat last?
- The dining room.

29) When’s the last time you cried?
- The other nite. pregnancy blues.

30) Do you read blogs?
- Yes.

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
- yes.

32) Ever been involved with the police?
- no.

33) What’s your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?
- Palmolive. the pink one?...soap?.. err.. LIKAS!..I need to go fairer!

34) Do you talk in your sleep?
- Again. I shall ask my hubby that. I think so. haha.

35) Ocean or pool?
- Pool. Safety first.

38) Window seat or aisle?
- Window. definitely.

39) Ever met anyone famous?
-err. no. I think.

40) Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
- yes.

41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
- Twirl and cut.

42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
- Definitely oprah.

43) Basketball or Football?
- Basketball. I like my men tall.

44) How long do your showers last?
- 5-20 minutes. depends.

45) Automatic or do you drive a stick?
- both. But I prefer a stick.

46) Cake or ice cream?
- Cake and Ice cream.

47) Are you self-conscious?
- sometimes.

48) Have you ever drank so much you threw up?
- yes.

49) Have you ever given money to a beggar?
- Yes.

50) Have you been in love?
- yes. I am in love.

51) Where do you wish you were?
- now? Philippines.

52) Are you wearing socks?
- Nope.

53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
- Nope. not yet.

54) Can you tango?
- I wanna learn!

55) Last gift you received?
- a bag, tops and bracelets.

56) Last sport you played?
- err.. I don't remember. I've been pregnant for the last couple of months.

57) Things you spend a lot of money on?
- FOOD!

58) Where do you live?
- that house in some town.

59) Where were you born?
- Some hospital in the Philippines.

60) Last wedding attended?
- err??....not too sure....

63) Most hated food?
- some vegetables.

64) What’s your least favourite food?
- that.

65) Can you sing?
- I try to.

66) Last person you instant messaged?
- my hubby.

67) Last place you went on holiday?
- Malaysia

68) Favourite regular drink?
- H2O

69) Tag 3 friends:
- Chinky
- levv
- my sisters.

70) Current song?
none.

I'm sick. Literally. Being pregnant and 5 more weeks to go and is down with the flu is not good. Thank God my weekly check up is tomorrow. I shall see if the doctor will give me something to ease my flu. I swear, the most annoying sickness anyone can have is flu. I seriously don't mind having the cough but the flu?... it's just plain annoying. I hate it having a nose block and can't breathe properly and thus having to sniff like an effing dog. *damnnit*. I can't blow it out cos nothing seems to come out. *argh*

Anyways, Back at my 'rents crib again just to be with my momma. I swear, I do not know what to do without my momma. I love love her to the muchos. She makes me smile. Well since I'm here, I decided to go out with some of my loves. They make me smile too. I need my weekly dose of HUGE HUGE smile on my lovely face. *note: just 'cos you are pregnant, that doesn't mean you are ugly, cos you are still very very BEAUTIFUL* My hubby makes me smile too but everyone else makes me have this huge smile on my face.

I want to post pictures. I can't. my hubby took my card reader and my laptop. Therefore, I am stuck on my 'rents pc. damnit! I want to see my pictures. Next week then.

I got this on friendster. I'm bored. Its early and the show i'm watching is starting to bore me.

THE YEAR 2007

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
~> not yet.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
~> no no no. unless just they just want to be a friend.

3. New house?
~> nope

4. What will you do different in 07?
~> Be a mother, a better wife and be more responsible.

5. New Years resolution?
~> don't do no resolution.

6. What will you not be doing in 07?
~> err....

7. Any trips planned?
~> christmas. Philippines with my family

8. Wedding plans?
~> did that last year.

9. What's on your calendar?
~> the birth of my child

10. What can't you wait for?
~> the birth of my baby

11. What would you like to see happen different?
~> err??

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
~> yes

13. What happened in 06 that you didnt think would ever happen?
~> err... I don't know.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
~> I've always been nice to people I care about. If I wasn't nice to them, I didn't care *shit* about them.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 06?
~> maybe. maybe not. depends.

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
~> im an occasional drinker.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
~> Its very good already. I love love my family.

18. Will you do charity work?
~> Do I have the time??

19. Will you go to bars?
~> do they even have them here in Brunei?... but yes, if there is one.. haha.

20. Will you be nice to people you dont know?
~> I just give them a smile.. that's me being nice.

21. Do you expect 07 to be a good year for you?
~> yes

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
~> a lot.

23. Do you plan on having a child?
~> yes. I am gonna have one soon. excited.

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
~> but of course.

25. Major lifestyle changes?
~> i have my own family to take care of now. thats a MAJOR MAJOR change.

26. Will you be moving?
~> I moved last year

27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 07 that happened in 06?
~> err... i loved whatever happened last year. It was a great year.

Its 9am again and I am up. Damn it. My sleeping habits are just all over the place. For some odd reason, whenever I am at my parents place, I wake up early and start doing chores. But when I am at my crib, I wake up almost lunch time and still bum around until I get hungry. What is wrong with me? hmm.... Help?? I'm guessing I am just not used to sleeping alone anymore. I'm so used to waking up or turning around and seeing my hubby next to me. It feels weird sleeping without him. I know we have been married for only a short time but when you get so used to something like sleeping with someone everyday, it just feels weird when you sleep alone, even if you have a cute lil teddy to sleep wth.

Ooo..the survey after this post was taken off beshs' site. Can you tell my boredom?

Emotion Survey
HAPPY!
What song currently makes you really happy?:	JOJO "too littl, too late"
Who makes you the happiest?:	my hubby, besh, levv and ferds, mi familia
Are you happy right now?:	yesh
What food makes you happy?:	chocolates.
Do you smile a lot?:	Yesh
How many times did you laugh yesterday?:	err...I didn't count
What friend is the happiest that you know of?:
SAD =[
Do you get depressed easily?:	Kinda.
What's the most depressing song you know of?:	"break it to me gently"
Are you really upset right now?:	nope
Have you lost anyone friendship-wise?:	yesh.
Have you cried this month?:	nope.
Do you talk to anyone when you're upset?:	Yes.
Are you considered "emo"?:	yes.
Do you have any mental disorders?:	not that I know of =P
Does depression run in your family?:	No! we are a happy family...
ANGER >[
Do you get pissed off easily?:	Nope. I still look at the bright side of everything.
Who has angered you last?:	Someone close. well I thought she was close.
Have you ever wanted to literally KILL someone out of pure anger?:	nope. im not a criminal. not yet though.
Do you have any anger management problems?:	Nope.
Do you get physical when you're mad?:	Yes.
Do have a rough time getting along with family or parents?:	Nope.
When was the last time you got into a fight (verbal OR physical)?:	err. I don't even remember.
Is there a constant battle between you and someone else?:	No
Do you hate people easily?:	Nope. I dislike. Hate is such a strong word.
Love ♥
Do you believe in love?:	Definitely.
Are you single/taken/confused/swinger?:	Married
Do you hold hands when you are dating someone?:	oh yes. I love holding his hands. I feel so secured.
Do you like to date?:	Yes. Yes. Yes.
How long was your longest relationship?:	forever. (which is now)
How many boy/girlfriends have you said "I love you" to?:	Don't count.
Do/Did you mean it?:	I always mean it when I say I love you.
Are you happy about your love/relationship status right now?:	Yes. Yes. Yes. Definitely Yes.

It's 9am. It's effing early and well i've already done my chores for the day. (well, most of it). And since I havn't really done a proper blog, I decided to actually type one out.

Yesterday, was one of the most fantastic days i've spent with my beshies..I mean, it's been THAT long since we actually got together and spent half the day talking about ourselves and well others who pass by *wink, 'sorry, I hit your head'* the best part, the moment we arrived home, we were still chatting. I missed that, it was something we used to do. It was like our conversations are just never ending. I guess it is true when they say that its the quality of the friendship that we have and not the quantity of friends. I mean, I seriously do not need anymore friends, there isn't any need for that. I love my friends and I do not care if I can count them in my hands, they are still my beshies.

Besh aka chika, I've known her since well since we were toddlers, our dads works together, we used to do everything together then she left and when she came back, everything is still all the same. I mean, I can still remember we used to go to each others houses and play barbie or rollerskate or just play with make up. The best part of it then was going to dance practices together and just well dancing until we are dead tired (I miss those days). And now, we can spend the whole day just drinking well anything under the sun and just talking and reminiscing and also well just being quiet (yes! we are capabe of that too).

Levv..well what can I say, It all started with. *damn, he's cute....and well now...(not gonna comment, you seriously don't want me to)* haha.. he's just a great friend that I love to hang with and well get acquainted on what's probably happening in bandar..well more like what's happening to the people we know and well just him updating me and all.

Our outing yesterday was a day of just updating each other, basically, since well, we havn't actually been out together..together for a long long time..I go out with them individually but not the same time, its just that we are always just busy with our lives. Well actually just them, as for me, I am not in town and when I am only one of them is available and well I try to spend as much time with them as I possibly can take.

Yesterday, while we were chatting our lives away to each other, I was updated with what people where spreading about me, well I guess all I can say, some people just can't be happy for me. I mean, don't be jealous and all but i can't make all of you happy. I'm sorry but I know that I am a whole lot prettier that you. I mean, I thought I didn't have ugly friends, well I was indenial. I have a friend who looks like you. I am not the only one who thinks you are FUGLY, a whole lot of people thinks that too. Face it, you are never gonna be pretty unless of course you go for a facial surgery or something. (YES, I can be mean.) I guess one of reasons why you can't be happy for me is because you can't find someone who is like my hubby. Don't be jealous honey, he's just close to perfect and we love each other. Right now, I'm feeling sorry for you not for me because I am living the life that I have always wanted to live.

just pictures...

I'm bored. It's late. I'm tired but I can't sleep. Therefore, I will just post pictures from the last couple of months. It will show how FAT i've grown. But I am loving my pregnancy... hehehe....

my long lost friend

My adorable god-son, bibo

a week before christmas...

Christmas eve '06

New Years eve... being the HOUSEWIFE

New Years. Our first picture of the new year. TIREDNESS.