just pictures...

I'm bored. It's late. I'm tired but I can't sleep. Therefore, I will just post pictures from the last couple of months. It will show how FAT i've grown. But I am loving my pregnancy... hehehe....

my long lost friend

My adorable god-son, bibo

a week before christmas...

Christmas eve '06

New Years eve... being the HOUSEWIFE

New Years. Our first picture of the new year. TIREDNESS.

part of my day

I seem to still be amazed at what being a housewife has done to me. I can actually see it for myself, which at times scares me because the person that I am now was not who I was before (well partially, at least).

Ever since we started living on our own, I've learnt to actually be more responsible for almost everything. I've learnt to be more neat with everything (it is starting to make me more of a neat freak), bake, cook and whatever a housewife is supposed to know. Well, sort of. I'm still going to start to learn to garden. SOON. Once i've given birth.

I'm loving life.

Till next time.

Boonishness... Im excited.... sooo excited... call me wen u get back in brunei!

For some very shallow reason, I felt like crying today. I didn't feel that way like a earlier in the day. I guess it was something someone said. I'm hurting. I shall manage.

Confessions of a Housewife!

This blog is a long overdue-d one. Oh well. I have been VERY busy as in. You can ask people around me.

Anyways, Since my last blog, I found out I was pregnant. I got married to one of the most wonderful man I've met. I shall talk about them one by one.

I found out I was pregnant first before me and my boyfriend-then husband-now decided to get married. It took some guts from the both of us to tell our parents that I was pregnant and wanted to get married. However, both of our parents have been VERY very supportive and well have given us their blessing to get married and start a family. I love my family.

Since then, I started to make arrangements for my wedding. We started preparing for it in July and well we got married on September 2. It was a fantab wedding. Not that it was a very grand one but one that was very memorable to me. Can u imagine half of the plane that came from the Philippines came to just witness my wedding and well half of my entourage is from the Philippines too. In which I would love to thank everyone who came to my wedding. You were all so wonderful.

Since getting married, I dropped my job and became a full-time housewife, thus the title. I can't complain. I love being a housewife for my hubby because he is just a perfect hubby. I love love love him. I know me and hubby have had lots of problems before we got married but hey, they are all over and done with and well I think we both have already matured enough to come through everything we need to.

To be honest, being a housewife isn't as bad as what everyone, thinks it is. It is PERFECT. I get to do whatever and whenever I want to do them. Well provided you have a husband who totally trusts you. TRUST is what matters the most in a relationship and ANY relationship for that matter. I know almost everyone has watched well most people that I know, Desperate Housewife and well me, as a housewife is definitely not a desperate one. I mean GOD, I don't think i'm going to get that indian grass cutter guy to come in my house. scary! I mean ewww... no offense meant but yeah. No thank you. If he were some hot hot hot dude like Josh Hartnett who was doing my lawn then maybe but I'd still give that a million thoughts cos I seriously do not want to lose my hubby.

Anyways, This shall be it for now. Maybe later. Hah.

some of my friends are very inconsiderate.

soon enough, when I cannot handle them, I shall let go and tell them to fuck off. but until then. maybe not.

im hurting and my fucked up friend is not helping

I am sorry IZZAH....

I am sorry BOONIE BOONZ

my bad. I am so so sorry. I was just under a lot of stress and everything that goes along with it.

I love you both. very much.

i hate myself.

i just want to die die die. i hate hate hate myself.

so sue me if that's what you want. i do not want this.

i hate hate hate myself.

somebody just kill me or just take me away.

im unhappy.

Do you even know how hurt I am right now? Do you even bother? Have you ever wondered what it's like to be me? Have you ever thought of how I feel? Have you ever thought of just not being selfish and think of me?

You were my happiness, I guess not. I guess now I have to search for the happiness within me.

I am tryin to be happy. I am tryin to be happy without you.

I hate being alone. but right now, I am so alone. I never thought you would be hurting me this way. I cannot believe that this is happening to me now. *angel, help me* The feeling of loneliness is the worst feeling that anyone could have. For some reason, this is the time where I wished that you would kiss my tears away and say that you love me. for some reason, this is the time where I wish that you were the guy that I first met.

im crying. again.

I do not think I need to explain myself to people why I am feeling the way that I do.

I am unhappy.

I know you ladies are worried about me and all but yes, I am fine. I will be fine once this weekend is over and done with. Right now, I cannot assure you both that I am uberly happy.

I can be happy but I choose not to be.

I want to cry but I shall not. Not until this friday comes.

On a more happier note. Izzah, it was pleasure having you here at my crib and I am sorry if I wasn't at my best. I do hope you enjoyed your stay here. Haha..you should be. I cooked for you. I semi-kinda burnt my hand for you. So you should be happy. I also introduced you to a hot guy. *joke* hehe...

I would post pictures but umm...yeah.. I think I shall...










Saturday afternoon with my lovelies... izzah, yen and I karaoke-ing at the mall arcade. It can be fun. Everyone should try it.




I shall post the others when I've put them all in one page. Maybe later. hehe.. ;) hugs and kisses.

everytime I close my eyes, all I can see is all the negative things that can happen.

All I am hoping is that nothing does happen.

I am crying, deep inside, where no one can see... I am crying.

Maybe all I need is some reassurance. But then again, from the tone of your voice, you sound very happy, I do not know why. I need you here right now where you can hug me and tell me that you love me. I do not want you where you are right now.

Fuck.

I hate what I am feeling right now.

I just hope you love me enough.



I am hating myself right now for everything that I have done wrong.

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

hmm...interesting.. wonder if its true?? boo...tell me??

Your Birthdate: October 30

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate. You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken. And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted. Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved. Your strength: Your flair Your weakness: If you think it, you say it Your power color: Scarlet red Your power symbol: Inverted triangle Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I reckon its partly true..but hey...who knows?hehe...

All I ever wanted was to be happy. I tried. Promise. I did. Somehow, there is still something missing.

It isn't him. He is in my life and I am loving it.

But there is something missing.

Earlier tonight, my mom asked me to help her in church as she said my friends were there. The moment I entered there, my friends didn't even bother saying 'hi' or watever. I do not know if I am just being overly sensitive but it was like as if I wasn't even there. Thank God bun bunz was there. I reckon, now I know why I have been partially MIA-ing from them.

Please do not tell me that you miss me when I know that you really do not.

*No, hun...it ain't for U*

I am super sensitive nowadays. I do not know why. I need my baby.

"You've made this day a special day by just your being you. There's no person in the whole world like you. And I like you just the way you are." - Mr. Rogers


I love this quote. It is true. I do love him just the way he is. There really is nothing that I want to change about him. I know that you have flaws. Honey, I have faults too. But hey, I still love him the way that he is.

However, I am loving the fact that he is soooo sweet with me. I like. I like the fact that I get to manja at him and he still loves it. =P

Honestly, there are more to that. I shall just keep it to myself. Hehe.

I love you.

We wear these clothes and this make-up for other woman more than for men. Men don’t care. They just want us naked. ~ Unknown

For some reason, this quote is true. I reckon, I only wear make up and wear perfect clothes when I am out with my friends. For long part of my relationship, I wasn't really bothered about how I looked. I guess 'cos I thought that for him my looks didn't matter. Then at some point, I reckon it did. So yes, I shall from now on. Be ready to take a look on the new me.

Love is not needing a snooze button on your alarm clock
because when it goes off the first time in the morning
the thoughts of your loved one
make it impossible to fall back asleep.

- Natasha Harris -

That is how I really feel whenever I am with you. Everytime I wake up early in the morning with you by my side. I just can't fall asleep again. Because the thought of knowing that I have you by my side and you loving me is the best feeling in the world.

I love you.

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...-- Isak Dinesen

I was just browsing through some things and this is what I stumbled on. It felt good.

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.' -- Erich Fromm

I reckon I have a matured love for him but who knows right? I mean I am so sure that I need him so much because I do love him. I need him all the time even when I know I can do things on my own. Why is that? I guess 'cos i know that he is really there for me *or maybe I am just hoping*. Well whatever I am hoping for, I just want us to be there for each other.

Baby, thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for staying even after everything that we have been through. Thank you so much. I really do appreciate being with you. Stay with me and never leave?

IzzaH...yes, I am back with him. Right now..I am just hoping for the best.
Boonz...don't hate him. I love him. I love you. Just try to understand how everything is just so complicated. Life is full of complications.

All I want to do is CRY CRY CRY....

I can never ever do anything right for you. I swear I can't. All you do is realise all my small faults and all that. I am starting to hate myself again.

Can't you tell with those pictures, I was just tryin to be happy? I thought I have told you that. All I want is just to be happy. But now...I don't know. You don't know just how much I am hurting.

I can't believe that I can never ever make you feel happy. There was once in our life that we were happy. I am still that person. I mean honestly, then you wouldn't really care about all the small errors in my life but now all you notice are my mistakes in life. For once can you notice something else? Please?

I am hurting.

I need good chocolate. "All I really need is love, but a little Chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!" Lucy Van Pelt.

I want to cry now but I have got to hold them down.

Boonz. I need you. I need someone like you to talk to right now.

I know some of you will kill me after reading this. I know boon will kill me after she reads this but anyways.

I am back with him now. I am just taking it one day at a time now. I shall just enjoy life for now.

I was reading some quotes about chocolates. They came from a friend. It said
"It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man."-Miranda Ingram

I reckon thats a really good quote.

Izzah....Remember when I said to let it go. I said it cos I thought it was easy. But then once you are there. It really isn't. I mean no one really knows whats happening and how you both really feel for each other except yourself and him and its so hard. But hey I'm good now.. hehe...

I'm not saying that I am sad or watever..Im a pessimist. Don't bother asking whats in my head. Its just gonna complicate things.

I love you.

I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one who could always brighten up a day even if she couldn’t brighten up her own.~ Unknown

I cried the moment you left today.

Thank you. Thank you for everything.

So where are we now? Am i still gonna live in my fairytale land or will you drag me down from there and make my fairytale a reality??

I love you.