I woke up at 4am today. I called him. He seemed busy but he called back. All I wanted was to tell him how much I love him. However, I couldn't. It still hurts. It hurts to know the fact that he is not mine anymore. It hurts to know that I can never have him back.

I'm crying.

I've been crying so much.

No I am not blaming you. It isn't your fault why this happened. I never blammed you. I can never blame you. I blame myself for everything. I know it is my fault. You don't have to blame yourself. I know I haven't been the girlfriend that you want me to be. I'm sorry.

I read your blog. I cried again. No, it's not your fault. I cried because I was touched by what you said. It made me want to hope for your again but will it ever happen? I want to cry again but I can't cry anymore. My eyes hurt so much.

I want you. I want you back. No wait. I need you in my life. I know you don't see it but yes, I really need you in my life.

You take care okay. I love you. I love you so much! I will always love u!

-edited-

I just got off the phone with him. My heart started bleeding even more. The sound of your voice is just so soothing. Remember when I told you how I felt safe everytime you hugged me. The last time i felt your hug, it didnt feel the same. It made my heart bleed. The last time I saw you all I wanted was to take you away. I wanted to make you mine forever. But I can't. I can't even make you mine even for a while longer.

A while ago you said you'd be back...same thing you said before. Whenever you say that i start hoping. But then I start losing that hope as the day passes. Can you just reassure me? or just tell me that you will be back soon. Don't tell me that you will be back only after you realise that I'm really gone. I want you. I want you here with me now.

A while ago, I was talking to a friend. He told me the only way to get you off my mind is to take everything that belonged to you away from me. The only time I should look at them is when I know I am completely healed. I told him I dont want to do that as I know all the pictures, booboo, the sweater has nothing to do with you. They are just some of the things you have given me...it means a lot but not as much as you. and besides if I do that, I dont know when will I ever look at them again as I know I will never get over you.