just pictures...

I'm bored. It's late. I'm tired but I can't sleep. Therefore, I will just post pictures from the last couple of months. It will show how FAT i've grown. But I am loving my pregnancy... hehehe....

my long lost friend

My adorable god-son, bibo

a week before christmas...

Christmas eve '06

New Years eve... being the HOUSEWIFE

New Years. Our first picture of the new year. TIREDNESS.

part of my day

I seem to still be amazed at what being a housewife has done to me. I can actually see it for myself, which at times scares me because the person that I am now was not who I was before (well partially, at least).

Ever since we started living on our own, I've learnt to actually be more responsible for almost everything. I've learnt to be more neat with everything (it is starting to make me more of a neat freak), bake, cook and whatever a housewife is supposed to know. Well, sort of. I'm still going to start to learn to garden. SOON. Once i've given birth.

I'm loving life.

Till next time.

Boonishness... Im excited.... sooo excited... call me wen u get back in brunei!

For some very shallow reason, I felt like crying today. I didn't feel that way like a earlier in the day. I guess it was something someone said. I'm hurting. I shall manage.

Confessions of a Housewife!

This blog is a long overdue-d one. Oh well. I have been VERY busy as in. You can ask people around me.

Anyways, Since my last blog, I found out I was pregnant. I got married to one of the most wonderful man I've met. I shall talk about them one by one.

I found out I was pregnant first before me and my boyfriend-then husband-now decided to get married. It took some guts from the both of us to tell our parents that I was pregnant and wanted to get married. However, both of our parents have been VERY very supportive and well have given us their blessing to get married and start a family. I love my family.

Since then, I started to make arrangements for my wedding. We started preparing for it in July and well we got married on September 2. It was a fantab wedding. Not that it was a very grand one but one that was very memorable to me. Can u imagine half of the plane that came from the Philippines came to just witness my wedding and well half of my entourage is from the Philippines too. In which I would love to thank everyone who came to my wedding. You were all so wonderful.

Since getting married, I dropped my job and became a full-time housewife, thus the title. I can't complain. I love being a housewife for my hubby because he is just a perfect hubby. I love love love him. I know me and hubby have had lots of problems before we got married but hey, they are all over and done with and well I think we both have already matured enough to come through everything we need to.

To be honest, being a housewife isn't as bad as what everyone, thinks it is. It is PERFECT. I get to do whatever and whenever I want to do them. Well provided you have a husband who totally trusts you. TRUST is what matters the most in a relationship and ANY relationship for that matter. I know almost everyone has watched well most people that I know, Desperate Housewife and well me, as a housewife is definitely not a desperate one. I mean GOD, I don't think i'm going to get that indian grass cutter guy to come in my house. scary! I mean ewww... no offense meant but yeah. No thank you. If he were some hot hot hot dude like Josh Hartnett who was doing my lawn then maybe but I'd still give that a million thoughts cos I seriously do not want to lose my hubby.

Anyways, This shall be it for now. Maybe later. Hah.

some of my friends are very inconsiderate.

soon enough, when I cannot handle them, I shall let go and tell them to fuck off. but until then. maybe not.

im hurting and my fucked up friend is not helping

I am sorry IZZAH....

I am sorry BOONIE BOONZ

my bad. I am so so sorry. I was just under a lot of stress and everything that goes along with it.

I love you both. very much.

i hate myself.

i just want to die die die. i hate hate hate myself.

so sue me if that's what you want. i do not want this.

i hate hate hate myself.

somebody just kill me or just take me away.

im unhappy.

Do you even know how hurt I am right now? Do you even bother? Have you ever wondered what it's like to be me? Have you ever thought of how I feel? Have you ever thought of just not being selfish and think of me?

You were my happiness, I guess not. I guess now I have to search for the happiness within me.

I am tryin to be happy. I am tryin to be happy without you.

I hate being alone. but right now, I am so alone. I never thought you would be hurting me this way. I cannot believe that this is happening to me now. *angel, help me* The feeling of loneliness is the worst feeling that anyone could have. For some reason, this is the time where I wished that you would kiss my tears away and say that you love me. for some reason, this is the time where I wish that you were the guy that I first met.

im crying. again.

I do not think I need to explain myself to people why I am feeling the way that I do.

I am unhappy.

I know you ladies are worried about me and all but yes, I am fine. I will be fine once this weekend is over and done with. Right now, I cannot assure you both that I am uberly happy.

I can be happy but I choose not to be.

I want to cry but I shall not. Not until this friday comes.

On a more happier note. Izzah, it was pleasure having you here at my crib and I am sorry if I wasn't at my best. I do hope you enjoyed your stay here. Haha..you should be. I cooked for you. I semi-kinda burnt my hand for you. So you should be happy. I also introduced you to a hot guy. *joke* hehe...

I would post pictures but umm...yeah.. I think I shall...










Saturday afternoon with my lovelies... izzah, yen and I karaoke-ing at the mall arcade. It can be fun. Everyone should try it.




I shall post the others when I've put them all in one page. Maybe later. hehe.. ;) hugs and kisses.

everytime I close my eyes, all I can see is all the negative things that can happen.

All I am hoping is that nothing does happen.

I am crying, deep inside, where no one can see... I am crying.

Maybe all I need is some reassurance. But then again, from the tone of your voice, you sound very happy, I do not know why. I need you here right now where you can hug me and tell me that you love me. I do not want you where you are right now.

Fuck.

I hate what I am feeling right now.

I just hope you love me enough.



I am hating myself right now for everything that I have done wrong.

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

hmm...interesting.. wonder if its true?? boo...tell me??

Your Birthdate: October 30

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate. You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken. And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted. Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved. Your strength: Your flair Your weakness: If you think it, you say it Your power color: Scarlet red Your power symbol: Inverted triangle Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I reckon its partly true..but hey...who knows?hehe...

All I ever wanted was to be happy. I tried. Promise. I did. Somehow, there is still something missing.

It isn't him. He is in my life and I am loving it.

But there is something missing.

Earlier tonight, my mom asked me to help her in church as she said my friends were there. The moment I entered there, my friends didn't even bother saying 'hi' or watever. I do not know if I am just being overly sensitive but it was like as if I wasn't even there. Thank God bun bunz was there. I reckon, now I know why I have been partially MIA-ing from them.

Please do not tell me that you miss me when I know that you really do not.

*No, hun...it ain't for U*

I am super sensitive nowadays. I do not know why. I need my baby.

"You've made this day a special day by just your being you. There's no person in the whole world like you. And I like you just the way you are." - Mr. Rogers


I love this quote. It is true. I do love him just the way he is. There really is nothing that I want to change about him. I know that you have flaws. Honey, I have faults too. But hey, I still love him the way that he is.

However, I am loving the fact that he is soooo sweet with me. I like. I like the fact that I get to manja at him and he still loves it. =P

Honestly, there are more to that. I shall just keep it to myself. Hehe.

I love you.

We wear these clothes and this make-up for other woman more than for men. Men don’t care. They just want us naked. ~ Unknown

For some reason, this quote is true. I reckon, I only wear make up and wear perfect clothes when I am out with my friends. For long part of my relationship, I wasn't really bothered about how I looked. I guess 'cos I thought that for him my looks didn't matter. Then at some point, I reckon it did. So yes, I shall from now on. Be ready to take a look on the new me.

Love is not needing a snooze button on your alarm clock
because when it goes off the first time in the morning
the thoughts of your loved one
make it impossible to fall back asleep.

- Natasha Harris -

That is how I really feel whenever I am with you. Everytime I wake up early in the morning with you by my side. I just can't fall asleep again. Because the thought of knowing that I have you by my side and you loving me is the best feeling in the world.

I love you.

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...-- Isak Dinesen

I was just browsing through some things and this is what I stumbled on. It felt good.

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.' -- Erich Fromm

I reckon I have a matured love for him but who knows right? I mean I am so sure that I need him so much because I do love him. I need him all the time even when I know I can do things on my own. Why is that? I guess 'cos i know that he is really there for me *or maybe I am just hoping*. Well whatever I am hoping for, I just want us to be there for each other.

Baby, thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for staying even after everything that we have been through. Thank you so much. I really do appreciate being with you. Stay with me and never leave?

IzzaH...yes, I am back with him. Right now..I am just hoping for the best.
Boonz...don't hate him. I love him. I love you. Just try to understand how everything is just so complicated. Life is full of complications.

All I want to do is CRY CRY CRY....

I can never ever do anything right for you. I swear I can't. All you do is realise all my small faults and all that. I am starting to hate myself again.

Can't you tell with those pictures, I was just tryin to be happy? I thought I have told you that. All I want is just to be happy. But now...I don't know. You don't know just how much I am hurting.

I can't believe that I can never ever make you feel happy. There was once in our life that we were happy. I am still that person. I mean honestly, then you wouldn't really care about all the small errors in my life but now all you notice are my mistakes in life. For once can you notice something else? Please?

I am hurting.

I need good chocolate. "All I really need is love, but a little Chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!" Lucy Van Pelt.

I want to cry now but I have got to hold them down.

Boonz. I need you. I need someone like you to talk to right now.

I know some of you will kill me after reading this. I know boon will kill me after she reads this but anyways.

I am back with him now. I am just taking it one day at a time now. I shall just enjoy life for now.

I was reading some quotes about chocolates. They came from a friend. It said
"It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man."-Miranda Ingram

I reckon thats a really good quote.

Izzah....Remember when I said to let it go. I said it cos I thought it was easy. But then once you are there. It really isn't. I mean no one really knows whats happening and how you both really feel for each other except yourself and him and its so hard. But hey I'm good now.. hehe...

I'm not saying that I am sad or watever..Im a pessimist. Don't bother asking whats in my head. Its just gonna complicate things.

I love you.

I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one who could always brighten up a day even if she couldn’t brighten up her own.~ Unknown

I cried the moment you left today.

Thank you. Thank you for everything.

So where are we now? Am i still gonna live in my fairytale land or will you drag me down from there and make my fairytale a reality??

I love you.

You said to me I probably don't have friends because most people think im a snob, a bitch and all up to herself?

Do you even really know me?

Do you even bother trying to approach me..?? Why is it wrong to have friends that makes you feel good about yourself??

You said If I was your girlfriend. That is it.. IF...but I am not. Therefore, I am allowed to do whatever I want. I need to find that I am loved again. I know I am not anymore. I just want to be loved. I hate being alone. I hate being lonely. It is starting to kill me.

Earlier you asked if i slept with someone last nite. Why? I thought you knew me better than that. It hurt me. I am not that kind of person. Yes, I was out drinking but No I do not sleep with just anyone just because I was tipsy.

I hate myself for never being able to please you. You are all that mattered to me and now... Poof! Gone.

i'm still hoping but I doubt it will happen. Im scared. I dont want to cry anymore. Please make them stop

I feel so glorious. I swear, I havent felt this beautiful in such a long time. It feels so good. I love my friends and I love my friends friends. thanks stan for driving us.

* just thought I'd share it with all of you*

In the past month, I have been living a lie. I hate it. It sucks.

I have been living in a life that I want to live in and the one that I am supposed to be living. Fuck. I hate it.

I just want to be uber happy but I really cant. I have been showing everyone what they want to see from me. The happy one. Fuck it. I doubt I can be happy as then. I don't want to be living in the past but then again, I cant.

baby, please make me happy. please??

I want to cry.

I was chatting with my brother earlier about my depression. He reckons I go for some professional help. I reckon that too..but at the rate that I am going. Nah. I shall skip that part. Anyways, while I was chatting with my brother earlier on, he told me to download some songs. The moment I heard the song, I just wanted to burst in tears. Thank God for make up and as I have mentioned earlier on, my tear ducts wouldn't let me cry anymore.

Here is a part of the song, Anything for you - Nina
I'd do anything for you
I’ll play your game
You hurt me through and through
But you can have your way

I can pretend each time I see you
That I don’t care and I don’t need you
And though you’ll never see me cryin’
You know inside I feel like dying
I’d still do anything for you
In spite of it all
I’ve learned so much from you
You made me strong
But don’t you ever think that I don’t love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don’t work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

I hope you find someone to please you
Someone who’ll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to

And I’d do anything for you
I’ll give you up
If that’s what I should do
To make you happy

About my last post, I was just venting. I know you will read it. I know you know what it's about.

How many more times are you going to hurt me? You don't know it but you are killing me slowly.

You can never be so fucking sensitive that you dont fucking care what I fucking feel.

I hate myself.

You have broken most of your promises. You promised me forever then, you even promised to never leave me..but where are you now??

I blame myself for this failed relationship.

fuck this fucking life! I hate hate being in this fucking world. I just want to be in the light now! I want to not be so fucking numb about everything. I want to just fucking DIE!

The worst feeling in the world is when you know you have to be separated from the person that you love the most.

Life has a funny way in telling you what you have lost and all that. It sucks how you have to go thru all the bullcrap first before anything good happens. Why can't the good just happen without all the suffering?

Damnit.

For the first time in a long time we had a good conversation without the arguements or whatever. It felt good. I miss those times when we can talk without disagree-ing over anything small. Thank you. I missed you.

I was listening to Rihanna-Here I go again. That's how I abso-fucking-lutely feel...

-edited-

Earlier tonight, I met up with an old friend. Hes been superb. He has told me some things that I probably needed to hear. He just made me cry. Good thing is that I dont have much tears to cry anymore. I think my tear duct have died on me and have made me stopped crying for the year. I reckon, my tear duct knows that i have to stop crying over bullshit just because. fuck. for the first time in like 2 weeks I didnt feel like crying except today. Today, when abg sufri told me some things that I needed to hear. I guess he just wanted me to realise a whole lot of things. Thank you abg for everything.

The moment I entered my room today, all I wanted to do was just lock myself in my own little land and pretend that life is perfect and that no one can make me cry or hurt me or whatever. However, that perfect little land of mine lasted only for 2 fucking minutes. I hated it. I hated the moment reality hit me. I hated it so much that I just wanted to be back in my perfect land.

I am so tired from everything that I am feeling. I am tired of showing people what they want to see. I am tired of hiding how I really feel. I doubt they even know how I really feel. No one does. I hate it that no one understands me. I hate it that he was the only person who understood me and left me all alone in this fucked up little world that we are living in when he once told me that he will be with me forever.

I hate being alone anywhere. It makes me think of all the sorrows that I am feeling. I hate it that I have to think of others first before myself. I hate that I cant be fucking selfish with feelings. I just wish 'people' who are surrounding me are more sensitive that they start understanding how I feel. I want people to listen to me. I want them to just please listen to what my heart yearns for.

As I type this I realised that whatever advise anyone gives me, it is all up to me whether I should follow their advise. I have heard them all say whatever they want to say but do you ever listen to what I have to say? Do you ever listen to what your heart says? Do you ever take chances on love?

I just took my chances with love but it has shattered me into pieces. The next time around, I shall be more careful with letting my feelings drown me out.

Right now, all I want is to be insensitive just like you so that I don't have to hide what I am feeling. I just want to be deleted from this earthly life so that I need not feel pain anymore. I just want to just fade away together with the light that we all see.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is low. You see love as a gift that you should give to many. It's hard for you to imagine being with one person at at time... Let alone one person for the rest of your life! Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

Lunch was great...it felt good...actually it felt better than good. Haha! only Yen knows why...hehe...I told you so... =)

Anyways, I was just thinking about Life itself...it has been a ROLLERCOASTER ride..as in a huge ass one. I have been hurt more than once...suffered...tortured...Then again, I remembered what a priest said during a homily. After Jesus suffered, he became glorious..then I thought to myself, I may have suffered but after all these sufferings, I will be glorious. I will be back to zero but it will be worth it. I promise, it will be worth it. I'm trying and well it will take some time before I can fully move on but I will.

Life is great...it shouldnt be wasted on sulking and crying and regretting over the past. It should be enjoyed as the moment goes by. I love life! I love me! I love my bunbun! I love my friends!and I love you!

*thanks for your call earlier, so till tuesday*

My legs are numb. Im lying in bed now and i can't fucking feel my fucking legs! argghhhh...how annoying can that be??...Today I wake up my right arm just felt sooo fucking numb and now my legs..what the fuck is wrong with me? oh well..haha...i think I will get better...Im not gonna focus on that for now..its prolly just some small crap. Right now I am just focusing on getting back with my life...getting back with being happy. getting back with being me...and not his girlfriend but as MATET...yes, at the back of my mind and my whole heart still wants to be with him but enough is enough..i dont want to cry anymore just because he doesnt want me. If he doesnt then fine. no more crying..

I feel so MUCH better today. I swear. I havent been happy in such a long time.

No. It isn't because of him again. I am happy because now I will finally PUT my feet down and just move on with my life. There is life after him. There is life after everything. It feels good.

Last nite I went out with some friends and a friend told me that 'you are hot!...you can have any other guy out there. ' Somehow with what that friend said. It made me think. Yes! I am Hot and I will always be Hot!...hehe..*ego moment* I needed my ego boosted. It felt wonderful.

As I have promised I will keep in contact. I will but now...its just plain ol' yea..how are you? kinda thing no more of that lonely feeling or whatever bullshit. I mean if he wants me back..he will come back..if he doesnt...well I will just be grateful that even for once in my life I was loved by you.

Anyways.. earlier on tonight I was watching 50 first dates...it was a feel good movie. Now i'm just thinking. I wish someone would make me fall in love everyday. Now I am watching a walk to remember...one of my favourite movies..its sad but a good one. Thats the kind of commitment I want for my next relationship. It feels good and I know it.

=)

I was just looking through my pictures at my multiply. I just wanted to cry. It hurts. Most of the pictures there were with him. What made things worst is I'm listening to M.C's Mine Again. How ironic.

On a more happier note..Im getting better with moving on. I had a semi sorta kinda like a date for lunch today. It felt weird. I was wishing it was him instead of that guy. Hey life.

I just cant wait for tomorrow. I need to feel happy even for a moment. Give me some happiness baby!. I know you can...wait...I know you will... you always do.

i cried again.

i hate how i am such a weakling for him.

I met him yesterday after a week or so...I just wanted to take him away and keep him in my bag so he has no where else to go and has no other choice but to be mine...Now..that is what I really want.

I still love him.

I am tryin to totally get over it but I just can't. Not with me still in perfect contact with him.

ANYWAYS

easter! I went to kb for my easter vigil. No. not because of him but because I felt I needed something more solemn. My holy week was not even holy week. which felt crap. So i said I needed something more solemn. The vigil was tiring but it felt good. it has 5 effing hours. Full as in super complete easter vigil. One that I haven't attended in a while.

The next day, I met up with him..we went to the hospital to visit his mum then went to church..however, half way through mass we left. I was uber hungry! I havent eaten since like the night before. So we had breakfast then I went back to the hotel I was staying in with an aunt. Then back to where I belong where there was a gatherong for my cousins' belated birthday.

Last nite I went to church with levv..then we went to gadong to catch up with things. I just realise its hard to catch up especially if you have been left out a lot!...No one to blame but myself. I wanted some time to recover. I did and I am recovered. Not fully but I am recovered. I have accepted the fact that I am single and that I will be for a while.

I am not looking for anyone to be in a relationship however if someone I desire or feel something for I may start a relationship but I shall never forget him. I love him and I will always love him.

Im happy.

wait.

no.

I am happy and sad.

im confused.

i want my booboo

i miss my booboo

i love my booboo

argh...

i shall leave you with pictures.

i love my bunniebunbun...

pout those lips honey!

yes! I can be manja with her too... she understands me... I love u!

smile??

look there its your booboo....

The beautiful sky...

our wonderful feet with our pretty slippers..

boredom..

I was chatting with a friend of yours last nite. He told me how you told him you still love me. Later on he also told me how you didn't want to get back. At first I was happy, later on, I just wanted to cry. I know I couldnt cry anymore. I've cried more than enough. I've shed so much tears for you. I'm gonna stop feeling everything that I am feeling right now and just go back to my starting point again. This is like the nth time I am saying this but I know this is the time to actually move on. I will move on. Trust me. I have done that before and I will do it again. it will be very hard but hey! if thats the only thing that would make me forget you.

I am not saying that i totally want to forget you. All I am saying is that I want to forget that I was once the girl that you love. Don't worry. I will still love you. But for now I will just put you right behind my heart and at the back of my mind. I will still be here if you need me.

As I woke up today, I decided to go to church. I asked God to give me strength. He gave me that. I feel a lot stronger today. I feel better. I reckon as the day passes I will get stronger and stronger. I will feel better and better. The good thing is, I have actually stopped crying.

I actually found the courage to throw the old roses you gave me for valentines. I decided not to sleep with booboo last nite as well as your sweater. I've chucked them away. I decided I needed to learn to sleep alone. Today I plan to take off your pictures in my room. No, I still wont delete your pictures in my computer. They still keep me happy. I just don't want to see pictures of us in my room as they remind me of you. Ive also decided to keep everything that you have given me. They will always remind me of you. So for now until I know I have moved on. I will place them in a place where I know I can't see them.

I'm sorry but I know I have to do this.

I woke up at 4am today. I called him. He seemed busy but he called back. All I wanted was to tell him how much I love him. However, I couldn't. It still hurts. It hurts to know the fact that he is not mine anymore. It hurts to know that I can never have him back.

I'm crying.

I've been crying so much.

No I am not blaming you. It isn't your fault why this happened. I never blammed you. I can never blame you. I blame myself for everything. I know it is my fault. You don't have to blame yourself. I know I haven't been the girlfriend that you want me to be. I'm sorry.

I read your blog. I cried again. No, it's not your fault. I cried because I was touched by what you said. It made me want to hope for your again but will it ever happen? I want to cry again but I can't cry anymore. My eyes hurt so much.

I want you. I want you back. No wait. I need you in my life. I know you don't see it but yes, I really need you in my life.

You take care okay. I love you. I love you so much! I will always love u!

-edited-

I just got off the phone with him. My heart started bleeding even more. The sound of your voice is just so soothing. Remember when I told you how I felt safe everytime you hugged me. The last time i felt your hug, it didnt feel the same. It made my heart bleed. The last time I saw you all I wanted was to take you away. I wanted to make you mine forever. But I can't. I can't even make you mine even for a while longer.

A while ago you said you'd be back...same thing you said before. Whenever you say that i start hoping. But then I start losing that hope as the day passes. Can you just reassure me? or just tell me that you will be back soon. Don't tell me that you will be back only after you realise that I'm really gone. I want you. I want you here with me now.

A while ago, I was talking to a friend. He told me the only way to get you off my mind is to take everything that belonged to you away from me. The only time I should look at them is when I know I am completely healed. I told him I dont want to do that as I know all the pictures, booboo, the sweater has nothing to do with you. They are just some of the things you have given me...it means a lot but not as much as you. and besides if I do that, I dont know when will I ever look at them again as I know I will never get over you.

"Back When It Was"

[Verse 1:]
I got a song in my heart
Let me start with I'm over you
Still it can't hurt me to say very plain . . . I think about you
And the laughs and the jokes and the times that I shared with you.
I got this feeling for reminiscing
Wanted to take that trip down memory lane
But what is missing, is that you're not here to sit down with me
So I'm thinking these beautiful things all by myself.
And what's on my mind is...

[Chorus:]
Back when it was
Simple as breathing
Just the two of us
We were happy together it was
Easy to be in
Our relationship,
You remember when
You used to say you loved me so
Promised one time to never go away
And now you're gone

[Verse 2:]
The smile that you left me with, is the same smile I've kept on wearing
The smile's not so much tied to you
More tied to what we spent sharing
Simple little things
But it was all those simple little things that pleased me the most...
Need I remind you 'bout the good times baby
There were good times from the start
Good times in my heart
A heart that never lied
Remember back in '99.
When we snuck into the neighbor's pool and went for a dip
There were good times in the rain
Good times everyday
Good times Heaven knows
Remember that dirty little joke
Made us laugh all night long.

[Chorus:]
Back when it was
Simple as breathing
Just the two of us
We were happy together it was
Easy to be in
Our relationship,
You remember when
You used to say you loved me so
Promised one time to never go away
And now you're gone

[Bridge]
The joy you left me with, nothing stronger since
What we did together
I ain't felt nothing better since that time
Those were the days
The nights
The minutes
The seconds
That you were mine

[Chorus]
Back when it was
Simple as breathing
Just the two of us
We were happy together it was
Easy to be in
Our relationship,
You remember when
You used to say you loved me so
Promised one time to never go away
And now you're gone

The whole song does not really relate...but it does...most the lyrics does relate. These are the songs that makes me a little bit stronger.

I'm hurting still. I wont know until when but I am hurting and will be hurting for a little longer. I thought it would be easy but it really is difficult.

I was just looking at our last pictures. The ones we took for our first year anniversary. Somehow, it made me smile because at least in those pcitures you looked happy. I just hope I did make you happy. Those pictures also made me cry just because I know that those pictures may be the last ones that I take with you.

You told me not to lose hope. But what if you find someone else? what if you never really loved me? You said you'd be back but when?...Will I have to wait forever? I am hurting and will only be hurting for you. I will be crying only for you.

I love you so much. I just want you to know that. I love you and I will always love you no matter what happens.

I thought we were happy. what happened to our future?

for the past couple of days I have been crying non stop. I wish I could just take all of the pain away. take everything that has hurt me. I know what I did was my decision but whatever I decided on. Is that how I really want things to be? Do I really want to be depressed when I could actually be happy even for a while longer?

Does he still love me? Does he even think of me? Does he want me back? cos I know I do. Right now everything is just a blurry thing that I wish could just fade away. I need someone to take my hand and tell me that everything will be alright. I need someone to just tell me that he loves me and that he will just be there for me. I do not need just anyone. I need him and only him.

I love you.

Its been a while. But who cares, not like anyone actually reads this. However, this week has been a blergh. A lot has happened. as in A LOT has happened. but i'm too lazy so maybe next time. Haha. I love pictures!...weeeeee

We just love taking pictures!

We look like a couple no? hehe.. My previous neighbour, a childhood friend.

for the first time in a very long time...i felt really nice today. I felt like me. I felt confident. I felt emotionally and physically strong. I felt that there was a lot of greatness earlier on. I missed that. I missed how I was. I missed how I would usually get dressed and feel pretty. I missed those days when someone would give me the stare just because. I missed those days when he would say 'I think you're hot!'. So finally today, I decided, I have to be hot! I have to be myself without restraining myself just because i'm attached. To be honest, it was nice. I liked it. no. wait. I loved it. I loved the expression in his eyes when he saw what I looked tonight. I loved how he said I was 'different'. I loved how he was asking his friends how I looked different. I loved the attention he gave me. I missed that a lot. There were lots of happiness today. I am hoping it lasts.

watched fragile. great movie. freaky but somehow true. I believe in the saying 'they stay with the people they love' and they are the people who are in the other world. *shivers*

I missed you. Thank you for coming back.

I love this shot!

I was looking at some random pictures from a friends site. *sorry nanings I took some of your pics* it was our *mine and helbes* trip to the philippines. It was from our reunion with the others there. Sad to say we didn't really meet them all kse most of them had their appointments or watever excuse they made...hehe ;)


Caby, moi, nannings and michelle


marck, melvin, kb, and boo



Us again. at the club this time

Our matadoe moment!


I was already trying to be nice to him and this is what he does to me!


Our CK ad


The Fantastic 4


These are just some of the pictures that me and my camwhore friends have taken...i swear there are tons more..as in super tons more! They are all on my multiply but sad to say I had to put everything for my contacts only and well if you aren't and really wants to see them ask me.

I've been pretty tied down. Well I try to be.

I finally watched V for vedetta, its was good however, I think it wasted my boos money just to watch it at the movies, should have just gotten a dvd and watched it at home. It didn't bore me. I guess I am just not up for those movies. I've always been a diehard romantic and thus loves watching romantic movies or scare myself off in the movies watching some scary flick where I can hug my boo and get the TLC I love getting from him.

I chilled with levv, chinx and cheche the last nite...and this I reckon we shall only see each other like after a couple of days rather than everyday..at least we wont feel restless when we see each other.

I miss my boo. I miss my siblings and I miss my old friends.

*boonzz...I love u. Thanks.

**mitch. i love you too.. Thanks as well.

Sometimes I wonder if the friends that i am always with are my real friends or are they just friends just because they need you. Somehow now I'm hurting. Not because of him but because of other people. Sometimes, I think that my real friends are actually the friends whom I don't often see but when I talk to them its seems like we've never been apart. I miss my old friends.

im hurting.

Ive never hurted this much before.

Ive never cried the whole night non stop.

I need help.

I want to hate you but I love you so much.

I cant fucking post a picture..Ive been tryin to upload a picture since forever. maybe later.

Life can be good at times yes?? Well last nite me and my boo had a good talk. and yes, its all good. ive finally stopped crying. I think. It hurts to cry and yes, hurt hurts. Life can be a bitch but then after that obstacle everything is all good again. Like me and Helbe. It hasn't just been good. It has been a fucking rollercoaster, and if I ever have to do it again, I definitely will, that is if it is him again. It is a good rollercoaster.

There are just days that you feel you need the freedom where you need not tell another person what you are goin to do and what you want to do or just whatever. I know how that feels and as I was talking to my man last night, I realised, I know what he was talking about how there are days when you feel like single not because you do not love the person you are with but because you like that chase. The chase where you can look at someone else and get her phone number or have a date without feeling guilty because you are in a relationship. I have had that feeling and gawd! it just...well that's when you actually realise how much you love the person that you are in a relationship with.

I know I am ranting again. Self-control. Boo was telling me that I should have some kind of self-control. Well, honey, thats why I have you. haha...another rant.

I still cant fucking upload a picture!!!

Im depressed.

the story of us

Love is just lust in disguise, and lust fades, so you damn well better be with someone who can stand you - The Story of Us.

I love love love that movie. It is such a great movie..

...we're an us. There's a history here, and histories don't happen overnight...

Look, this is ridiculous, we love each other, all couples go through this, let's give it another try.

There are some hurts that you never completely get over. And you think, I don't know, that time will diminish their presence - an-an-and to a degree it does - but, ah... it still hurts. Because, well... hurt hurts.

People *change* over time - you've got to expect that.... the only way a relationship works is if people grow and change together!

Well this is just some of the quotes that I like from that movie..I was just watching it and I thought I should share it with you. Its a good eye opener to alot of things...a marriage is not just a marriage...its a whole new world.

*I love you boo*


In the past couple of days, i have cried so much that I feel like my eyes are just going to pop out anytime soon as argh....i'm stressed. I do not know wat to do.

*On a more lighter note* I finally saw qeelz and talked with her..thank god for having friends like her. After church yesterday I had dinner with my ma and my friends and then sent ma home and went out again. *i love my mom* While I was out with some of my friends. I realised something. They are the friends that listens to you....GOD!...thank you for friends like them. Im seriously messed up now. I think I really need something to do cos doing nothing makes me so blah with my life. It sucks! I want something to do! I swear, when I am not doing anything I tend to think of all negative things. I am just a pessimist that I am always thinking so fucking negative and its starting to kill me. I want to know but I cant because Im scared. <<--- Very random i know. Dont care.

I was just looking at some lyrics from a song that I heard from the Movie story of us. I love love love the lyrics.

(I) Get Lost

by Eric Clapton

I'm sorry.
Why should I say I'm sorry?
If I hurt you,
You know you've hurt me too.

But you get lost inside your tears,
And there is nothing I can do,
'Cause I get lost inside my fear
That I am nothing without you.

You're angry.
Why shouldn't you be angry?
With what we've been through,
Well I get angry too.

Chorus

'Cause I am nothing without you.

Why should we have taken so long
To be looking inside of our mind?
Everything we tried went wrong.
Are we worried 'bout what we might find?

I'm sorry,
But can I say I'm sorry?
If I hurt you,
You know it hurts me too.

Chorus

And you get lost inside your tears,
And there is nothing we can do,
'Cause I get lost inside my fear
That I am nothing without you.

'Cause I am nothing without you.
And I am nothing without you.
'Cause I am nothing without you.
'Cause I am nothing without you.


*Soph...I love my hair too..haha.. Love u babes*

the nite out

so last nite me and chinx went to pick up eleven and manuel from work and from there we went to the mall to do some sight seeing...boredom led us to do this. however, it actually turned out to be pretty productive. *to wat i think*

we had dinner at kfc, then headed to the cinema to watch Nanny McPhee a very well.. childish movie with s lil' output for adults. well there are some lessons to be learnt as well right chinx??. there's that If you need me but don't want me I will be there but If you want me but do not need me then I shall be gone, well that is one lesson, the other one, people would definitely do anything for money! ooo..that is soo effing true. I swear it is...However, there is one that I am still trying to figure out about the movie. What happened to Nanny McPhee when the kids did lesson 1??... i mean lesson 2, she lost a mole..lesson 3, she lost another mole...then lesson 4 her skin became better and lesson 5 was her teeth and her figure..so wat is lesson 1??..can someone please tell me...

Anyways..after the movie we headed to chill to talk about the movie and wat i was going on about that lesson shyt..and haha..eleven and chinx took some souvenir..*no comment on that one* well while we were at chill we talked, we laughed and wat we do best...we take pictures.. okay the picture is in my multiply. so just click away, if you can be bothered..haha.. I love you guys..

today??..well i was planning to meeting the beau since he is in town..but we shall see how it goes. I really want to meet him cos I miss him dearly!...i want want want my booboo now now now!... yes, I am an effing demanding girlfriend. *joke*

much much love

the new layout??

well i just randomly thought about getting a new layout and here it is..i think its okay not that hot but it shall do until boredom strikes again.

i just realised its been almost a full month since the last time i blogged here. hey. its not like anyone actually reads this. I do not care. this is where i put how i feel and all that bullshit.

oo..ive finally did something neat to my hair...i had it dyed auburn last sunday and yesterday i had highlights placed on them. i think its pretty sweet. my mom likes it. gosh. i miss those bonding sessions with my mom, irregardless of shopping or going to the salon or watever..i just miss bonding with her. i love love love my mom. she rocks. i know the ups and downs but hey watever happens she is and will always be my mom. i love love love her.

yesterday, i thought of actually just sleeping the whole morning..but apparently around 11ish...my boyfriend arrived at my crib without telling me. *surprised*. i seriously did not want to get out of bed. i was over at my parents bed sleeping when the bell rang and i seriously could not be bothered getting out of the bed just to get the door so my daddy got it and he told me helbe was there i was like 'yeah, watever dad..i know u just want me to get off my lazy ass'..but then my dad went out of the room again and i heard my boos' voice and i frantically jumped out of bed...gawd! he just loves to surprise me...then i hugged him for like forever..cos i swear i was still dead sleepy...*don't blame me...i got off the phone talking to my boo at around 3 in the morning* then we went out for brunch at misato. i just love love japanese... then walked around mall looking for shades for him..couldnt find anything that he likes or that actually suits him. so we went to yayasan and got the shades there...then home sweet home.. he had to go back to kaybee *i hate those times* hes got work today.

when i got home mommy was like lets go to the salon i want to get my hair done. so im like umm..okay..wen?...shes like now...okay..lets go..hehe..i love the salon with my mom..i get to do anything and everything..hehe...well i think watever they did to my hair at the salon, i think its sweet..as i've said earlier. okay i'll just post a vanity picture of myself with the new hair-do..hehe I told u its pretty sweet...hehe...i shall be changing it..hope soon..hehe..like next month..haha... i love my hair for now though..hehe...*thanks to my mommy*

okay...ciaos...

*oo..i shall add the rest of the side thingys when im dead ass bored.*

much love to everyone..

shopgirl/eating out

its 2:30am and I am still not fucking fast asleep. I swear there is something wrong with my body clock, that is if it still fucking exist. I hate this.

I have to wake up by 6:30 to send my ma to work, then pick her up noontime. The whole day today, I was just driving for the family, mostly my ma. I dont mind, its just that it does get tiring and sometimes they just dont understand that.

I just finished watching shopgirl and eating out. Shopgirl, well. *yawn yawn* no comment. Eating out. Weird but incredibly good. I think people should watch eating out to actually understand gays. I know the one person who definitely will not watch it is my booboo. He just abso-fucking-lutely hate gays. I mean, the closest people to me are gay. No, some of them are still in the closet gay but they are gay. do not ask who. I love my gay friends, as gay.

I am currently watching Brokeback Mountain (Its another gay movie), from what I heard from a friend, it is actually good. I will ust watch and see.

The past few days, I have been a professional bum. No, I still havent found a job and Yes, I am NOT looking, well that is until last weekend. do not ask. It hurts.

I swear I just cant sleep earlier than 4am. I probably could, if I was THAT tired, but i never get tired. The only time I would wake up is at noontime or even later. If I do get up earlier, there has to be a really good reason. Just like today. fuck. I slept so late and I woke up at 6-fucking-am. gak! I tried getting more sleep but I just couldnt get more than 2 hours. I skipped lunch and dinner so that I could catch on my sleep. Yes. I do try to get enough sleep for my body. Lunch and dinner time were the only time that I can catch on my sleep. The rest of the day was spent driving for my family. no I am not complaining.

i swaer my sleeping routine is totally fucked up...its 2:30am..and I am still not a tiny bit sleepy...last nite i slept past 2-fucking-am..i need help!

valentines is just around the corner and I still havnt got a clue wat my booboo wants to do...he said he has planned something..but doesnt want me to know until valentines day itself...i havent gotten him a gift...his birthday is coming up as well..wtf??...argh! i hate this!

.OMG!!.

i swear i was just gonna freak out..my day started so so...until...gak!...i got caught by the police..i was driving past the speed limit..which is totally stupid..cos the limit is 100..and i was like 112?..hello 12?..and they wudnt let it go..argh...oh well...at least it wasnt my car...but fuck!..it was my fucking name..gak!...oh well..haha... ;) 50 bcks gone from johnrey..

so this is how it all started..

eleven picked my up frm the workshop cos i needed to send my car and he needed company to go to kb..so i joined him..he got tired of driving so i drove..then while we were on that stretch of bsb-kb...the police was like..you are over speeding...fuck!...gak!...haha..oh well...it totally freaked me out..then eleven totally calmed me down by saying i got caught...soooo many times here...phew...hehe.. oh well.. a lesson learnt today..dont drive fast...I wish!...hehe

love lots!

memoirs of a geisha

You Are 60% Abnormal

You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

damn. i didnt know i was THAT of an abnormal. not that it is a bad thing, but yea. abnormal? grr.. hehe.. so...okay..the past few days have been a bitch. my hubby is not around the country. hes somewhere in the same island though. come home to me soon baby. i need someone to talk to. (im a loner-fuck!)

i am sick and tired of this theme watever u call it. I will most probably change it. asap. if i dont end up sleeping soon. then I guess i shall do it today. not like anyone is interested in reading my rants.

i watch memoirs of a geisha today with my parents and some of their friends. it was a good movie. never thought it would be that good. but it was. damn. i do not want to be a geisha. i doubt i can be. but hmmm....thinks..hehe....baby??..hehe..joke joke. he wouldnt want me to. it was like during their time being a geisha is sooo WOW!...and entertainer. instead of a tv entertaining you..women who has painted their faces is a geisha. well u can definitely not call a prostitute a geisha. different category honey. hehe... ;) great great movie.


i miss my boyfriend. come back yeah?

pictures...hehe

me and my cute lik cousin jasmine..hehe my partner in crime

.very random.

...Your Heart Is Orange

Love equals unbridled happiness for you. You enjoy the wild ride of falling in love. And while the ride is fun for a while, you always get off once the thrill is gone. Your flirting style: Hyper Your lucky first date: Anything you need your passport for! Your dream lover: Is both daring and well grounded What you bring to relationships: Energy

What Color Heart Do You Have?

i can say that that is true..however...umm..bleh...im not gonna comment. I guess that was me then..but now its just a totally different story. Im not getting any younger... *love u hun*

the philippines!

OMG!!...i never thought the phils would be a blast...damn..i had the best time while I was there...

the clubbing at basement.. the fantab time with my friends from the past...gak!. i want to go back...now! bring me home now...wait-a-minute! my home is where my booboo is...okay rephrase...take me to the phils now!! me want!! hehe,,,,more pics will be posted...soon...once i get my pics uploaded..m just not bothered yet..hehe..grabed this pic from mommy anna..hehe...damnit me didnt get to meet all of them...but non-the-less..it was a fantab time..hehe...

the shopping from one mall to another...i know my booboo had a fantab time shopping..he was much more of a shopaholic that I was..but hey i still got to shop..the starbucks everyday..! i miss my starbucks...grrr...they really shud have starbucks here...really! i want starbucks! grrrr...

i just realisd my watchamacalit...umm..tagboard is gone..will fix it someday..i mean no one bothers readin so yeah...could not be bothered shitless...hehe.. ;)

next time

december 2005

It has been a month of a lot of happenings. I will not put all the details but here are some:-

• dec 17 - my brothers garden wedding which was sooo awesome..the only sad thing was that It was raining. Nonetheless it was sooo romantic. It was up in the mountains. I want to have my wedding there too *hint hint*
• dec 18 - my sisters babys christening. Baby Marc Andrew got baptized as well as my parents 30th wedding anniversary. For the christening we basically just went to the church for baptism then off to her hubbys crib for the latter celebration. 30th anniversary of my parents...had dinner at gerrys. food was great.
• dec 22 - the day I was supposed to go back to Brunei. did not happen as our car broke down. woot woot. hehe...so we ended up going to Baguio. which was soooo cold damnit.
• dec 23 - still in baguio. had nice time bonding with my mommy ditas and daddy chito and their grankids... ;)
• dec 24 - last minute shopping for xmas. which was totally unplanned for. church at 11, noche buena the minute we arrived home. it was sooo much fun as it has been a while since my whole family has celebrated christmas together with no one missing. We has exchange gifts and all that.
• dec 25 - christmas. went to the tolentino clan. spent the whole day there. then dinner at super bowl.
• dec-26 - still xmas celebration went to another tolentino residence. dinner then shopping at ilog for my last night
• dec 27 - early trip to clark pampanga for my flight back to kk then from kk fly back to Brunei
• dec 28 - spent the whole day with my boo boo. movie (king kong . it sucked BIG TIME).
• dec 29 - officially resigned from my job.

haha...till then..gtg...eleven is on his way here..bye...

going

Life has been nice. well thats for the past few days. I swear everyday there are fucked ups and downs..but hey I am still surviving all those shit.

Monday. my booboo arrived from bali. He seemed happy. I guess he enjoyed. thats good then. But then..hes sick. fuck. Tummy crams or something. not to worry. nurse matet is here. wooohoo!. stayed home a while then dinner at the mall. bought 2 movies then home. by 11 we were asleep. I know weird. *we were alone at home, my parents are back in the phils*

Tuesday. me and my booboo got up so motherfucking early. i skived work. 7:30am. like wtf? no work and we get up early. but hey we went back to sleep. got up at around 10ish then cooked breakfast for him. finished up with the movie that we were watching the night before. *I swear you guys should watch that movie. "Death to the supermodels" fucking hillarious man!* then went back to bed at ard 11ish. fuck. sleep the whole day! by the time it was 2, we were hungry again. so we decided to get out of bed take a shower and then off to gadong to pay off bills and get my atm card and of course lunch. then it was 5. fuck. time for him to go. gak! I do not want him to go!!!! oh well..life is a bitch. so he left. I stayed home and did the sex and the city marathon. again. at 9 i decided I needed to get out of the fuckin house. so i called some friends. left and went to gdg. it was slightly full. not to worry. haha. then tita lina called. so me picked her up. we chilled at chill. yes with my aunt. it was cool. i like it when she is around. i get to have free food! wooohooo!! *cheap ass* anyhoots. was supposed to meet someone. never did. then at midnight I went home. picked up my gran from my aunts then home sweet home.

Wednesday. work is a bitch! nothing exciting. I finally watched narnia.

fuck. this blog is gonna get so random!

I miss my boyfriend. Im flying off tonight. fuck. I want my boyfriend to come! shiets.. oh well

bye.

adorable...

i saw these cute pictures...I like...hehe. Can I please have the remote for christmas... joke baby..you know I love you the way u are.. ;)

...

Fashionista 61% Tastefulness, 56% Originality, 67% Deliberateness, 47% Sexiness

[Tasteful Original Deliberate Prissy] One is certain: you have great taste and plenty of ideas. You have clearly defined beliefs about what's good and what's bad in fashion but they are far from banal. Stylish and imaginative, you prefer to inspire admiration than to shock and you mostly succeed. Even if sometimes you'd like to have more courage to put on something absolutely outrageous you do great job in creating a unique look that others look up to. There is a possibility that you work in the fashion industry. If you don't, perhaps you should. The opposite style from yours is Bar Cruiser [Flamboyant Conventional Random Sexy]. All the categories: Fashion Enemy Bar Cruiser Kid Next Door Sex Bomb Hippie Kid Fashion Rebel Fashion Artist Catwalk God(ess) Librarian Sporty Hottie Office Master Uptown Girl/ Boy Brainy Student Movie Star Fashionista Glamorous Soul

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 58% on Tastefulness You scored higher than 53% on Originality You scored higher than 75% on Deliberateness You scored higher than 33% on Sexiness

Link: The Fashion Style Test written by mari-e on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I just want to know who actually reads my blog. The only person I know who does is boonishness..I love that wuman!...so please...leave me a note or something if u do.

you are runing my fucking life

fuck you!...u fucking bastard...gawd...now u want me to be that...fuck u!...and everything is still the same.. damn u!...i just wish you go to hell like right now!!

**venting out!!

so a week has gone. time flew so fast. one more week and you too will be gone. fuck. I do not want you to go there. how many times did i tell you that. oh well. I guess I cant stop you. You will be away for one effing week. fuck. Who the fcuk am I supposed to depend on when you're gone? who am I gonna to cry to when you are gone? I know you will be back...but still baby a whole week without you is just....not right.

enough ranting. I have been uber busy with work. Luckily for the past few days, I go home to you, if you weren't here, I dunno what I would have done. Work has been motherfcuked stressful. thank god they aint here no more. fuck they were one hell of a group. shit. I need to get my well deserved rest. I swear I really do. I need it more than anything. I want to get a rest. Thank God for my wonderful parents who will be treating me to a trip to the phils then to kuala lumpur and singapore. but then again. that means i need some ka-ching. shiets. baby will be here only for like 3 days then i'm off to phils for my bros wedding, then to kuala lumpur. I will basically me away for 2 weeks. Im sorry honeybunch, I know how you hate it when I am away for too long. I promise I will be back here in your arms again as soon as I can. oooo...i'm getting all emotional. shiets. change mode.

Dinner at my aunts place was superb. fuck. I swear my appetite nowadays is just motherofyuletide big. I had a heavy dinner then had a drink again when I went out with izzah then for lunch time. It was heavy too...gak. I swear I feel so bloated. nyeh. I do not like :( oh well. I know I wil still look good. *gak* what is so wrong with me? shiets...okay...enough bullcrapping here.

Harry Potpot...i got that off kristeta...well it was okay for the first hour, then I just dont get it why they called it the goblet of fire when they only used it for choosing the names..then that was it. I mean i Know it wasnt supposed to lie, but like. what the motherofpotpot knows about the age thingy if some old dude places it there right?....and wasnt it so motherofyuletide obvious that madeye had something to do with the evil crap..i dunno...for me...i did not like this harry potpot..i like the harry potpot 1 and 2 and 3...oh well..its very disappointing. Next movie to watch zathura. hoping to catch it on big screen this weekend as well as just like heaven. Ive heard good reviews about these movies. so we will see.

In her shoes. I like the movie, but like the plot is weak same with chicken little. I love the shoes though...so perky, so pretty. I want a whole closet of shoes. Oh well. A sister knows better than to fuck her sisters booboo. Like hello..? She knew for a fact that her sister was dating this guy and there she opens the door half naked when she knew it was her sisters boy and she intentionally leaves the door open. DUH! guys are horny bastards! they will fuck whoever the see is giving them the initiative to fuck 'em. I know shes blond and all but still. I do not think all blonds are fucking dumb. Shes just like. grrr...Im annoyed with her. Her dad is another different story all together. So your mother is dead. that still does not mean that you can take the kids away from their grandparents. grrr...this movie is annoying. next topic please.

Your Birthdate: October 30

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate. You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken. And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted. Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved. Your strength: Your flair Your weakness: If you think it, you say it Your power color: Scarlet red Your power symbol: Inverted triangle Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

im sick.

Fuck it. i'm sick. i'm sick for like the nth time. i hate being sick. I was at the docs last satruday with my booboo..and I tell u..with the look on the face of those people in that fucked up clinic.."this couple is gonna have a baby"...wahhh....i just wanted to scream...Im not preggy..i just had my monthly withdrawal of disgusting blood! I was there as part of mybody was killing me. I had it checked a coupl oe months ago, the stupid doctor at the public hospi said that it was gastric then saturday, the stupid doctor at this private clinic said it was some kidney infection or some shit. see why i do not like doctors? they lie. fuck. they really lie. soon enough, I only have a couple of months to live and im gone. grrr...it gives me the shivers.

on a much much lighter note. I went mallin *window shopped* with theresa, then later on in the evenin we went to pick up manuel and went to jeps place..but then again..we just went there to pick up ferdie n some other peeps. Then went to pds for their rehearsal. i am definitely going to watch this concert of theirs. Its fun. I hope that girl does not sing. It is so not lawa at all... effa..it shud be you singing and not her. Yuck kali. so totally out of tune. Couldnt they get a better singer when there are lots of really good singers in that school. She isnt even pretty. Its not that I do not like her. Its just that it just doesnt suit her.

Sunday was a totally bum day. I woke up and it was already 1pm. I was like wtf? then only i realised my parents went to seria for the day. So i got some food for good ol me. Im under medication. then bummed even more..by around 4, I fell asleep. then fuck. mummy messages me telling me I have to get ready for church. hmm..oh well..then church then shopping...nyeh! i still cant find the perfect sandals for my dress...if i dont get it by next week. Imma make a gown for the wedding. haha..i do not care. Im just going to make a gown as I really cant find the perfect shoes.. :(

well toodles..i have work to do...**well tryin to wrk**